Luckily, this Hapa was female: a male would be a tragedy waiting to happen.
I am half Chinese and half white, and as many people expect, my mom is Chinese and my dad is white. My mom doesn’t actually come from China, nor was she born in the US where she later met my dad, so it’s a little bit more of a unique experience here.
My mom is racist, sexist, homophobic, and classist, despite her own assertions that she’s not because she’s fairly liberal. She doesn’t believe in denying people rights in law form, which is fine, but when she speaks in the privacy of our home, she believes being white, acting like a “man”, being straight, and being in the upper middle class is the best. Fine, whatever. My mom only dated white men, and predominantly Jewish men, before she met my dad. I used to think this was just a preference of hers as I thought it was a preference of mine, until later I realized it wasn’t an actual preference of mine because I honestly didn’t care that much about race at all, it was just that I’d been told so many times that dating white men is the best that I believed it. My mom also told me multiple times that her mom was crazy (which…well, she is, she has dementia), but it was only after she drunkenly ranted to me one night that her mother had so much potential but her father, my grandfather, was the one who kept keeping her from accomplishing things, that I realized she just didn’t want to be her mother.
My mom is a very unabashed person who will say or do whatever she needs to get things done. I feel that this is very counter to the subservient woman her mom was, and in a way I think it was also to rebel against the Chinese culture, as in, my grandfather and my grandmother’s upbringing, that kept her mom down, and to assimilate quickly and easily into American culture. She yells at me for being subservient, she doesn’t want me to be gay, she wants me to marry a white man, and she won’t stop talking about how much people make and how little I will make in the future. I understand this because I think my mom is annoyed that somehow I, born in the US and given these nice white genes and a pretty face, somehow seem to be wasting all the effort she put in to be…well, “better” than everyone else in her situation. Like, she judges all these people because she thinks better society judges them this way, and she thinks if someone somehow doesn’t fit the standards of better society, as in, cis straight white male society, then she has to judge them too because they didn’t assimilate into that society as well as she did.
As I just said it’s a personal story so clearly this is my own belief based on my own experiences. But I do think, at least in the US, I believe part of it is assimilation – as in, the US thinks white guys are the best, so the people who desperately want to assimilate most also think white guys are the best. And when you take all that media and superiority and shove it at other countries, I feel that people can also tend to buy into it as well.