Before you read this, I suggest you learn about Marcus Epstein, racist aggravator, perpetrator of violent assault against a black woman, and Hapa. I really do, at the end of the day, suggest anyone with a liberal bone in their body to really question the white male and Asian woman pairing; I am telling you this as someone who is fairly “progressive.” Who exactly teaches racism? We all know that racism, at the bottom of it, really equates with some kind of sexual jealousy – (as all things in life do revolve around procreation, more or less) – and why is it that Eurasians like Rodger or Epstein seem to be somewhat prevalent?
Is it because, without a positive way to view their masculinity in the Asian framework – they lash out at people they view as more successful than them in a racial frame?
(And for the record, FUCK Elliot Rodger, the cowardly little bastard who killed four innocent Asian men out of self-hatred – both his parents should be thrown into prison for the child they raised). And to hell with racism and people who perpetrate violence and racism against any ethnic group.
I went through several “phases” in my life, one of which was being infatuated with “white nationalism,” and everything else that entailed that. Like most white nationalists, I had a bit of a soft spot for Asians, since being Asian myself, and also because their “culture”, in the eyes of white supremacists, is “comparable,” or at very least, “reasonably civilized,” the downside being their “lack of creativity.”
The primary reason I did engage in this mindset was due to a lack of direction I felt coming out of college, as well as a general lack of self esteem – having been shot down by two white girls who favored a black male over myself; internalizing this negative perception of my “Asian masculinity” I sought to attack what I viewed as being a more sexually potent ethnic group, i.e., black males. This was coming off of a period in which I had previously been extremely liberal – having grown up in New York City, I had rallied against gentrification, had routinely sought to bully white people, and disliked white culture subverting what I thought was a comfortable environment in which I thrived; i.e., New York City.
But growing up the seeds of racism had already been planted; my dad was a racist, blatantly so, and an anti-semite, and although this was a point of contention with my mother (who was fond of Jewish people, as many Chinese people are), she agreed with him in his points against black people. This was so pronounced that she would make insane claims about AIDS in Harlem as we drove through, pointing out random individuals who she said had AIDS by the way they dressed.
To this end this fueled my anti-racist period in high school and college where I deliberately sought out friends of color and antagonized white men; and this extremism carried over, somehow, into my white nationalist stage, where even at that point, I didn’t have many white male friends and idealized, merely, a “better time” when people were more decent according to what I thought they should have been like (myself, probably having ingrained Asian stoicism and anti-socialism, probably idealized a more stable society).
The thing is – despite all of this racism – I couldn’t quite bring myself to hating anyone outside of my confinement, and on the street, I found myself actually having more in common with random immigrant strangers than I did with white people – no matter how hard I tried. I remember one time in a small bar in a 90% white town, after I was invited by some “friends”, that I felt aloof and found myself talking to a man from Uganda who sat alone at one of the tables; I immediately felt a connection to what I saw as a perpetual loneliness in a culture that I really could not, and never really, belong to.
This kind of duality that Eurasians experience is something I’ve witnessed time and time again (re: half-Korean / half-Jewish white nationalist Marcus Epstein); it is the racism taught by our racist Caucasian fathers, who deliberately sought out Asian women to fulfill the gap left by white women, whom they viewed as having turned course and betrayed the white maleness that they viewed as the key to civilization, and a happy, godly life.
My father was the same, and my mother went hand in hand with it. I feel shame for this, because at times when I literally had no one else – it was people of color who were taking care of me; and as much as the white nationalists and supremacists who read my blog will protest, yes, there are good people of other colors out there, and they are not going anywhere, so why not, as I have, accept our fates and learn to embrace them?
I am the son of a racist, paleoconservative, deeply-religious white male, and a “white-only” Asian woman with whatever intents she had. I was, since the beginning, a failure, confused, and bitter at the world, but only through careful rehabilitation of my spirit, and accepting who I am and acknowledging the savage, deeply disturbing nature of my parentage am I able to move on.