And will never fully embrace a life in which he is undefined by his race.
Why do I say this? I’ll leave this, frankly, as one of my last posts; I know I’ve said that several times, but eventually I know that the monument that I and other Eurasians built over the past few years will serve as testament to the real loneliness that only a Eurasian can experience. From the bottom of my heart – I really do feel very sorry for any Eurasian boy born, if he even experiences a tiny fraction of what I’ve had to experience.
I come off extreme because my example is extreme; being Eurasian even in a way directly led to my mother dying. The paleoconservative father, the racist white-only asian mother, the mental illness that my brother deals with, the dissolution of the marriage, the identity issues, the mistrust – all of it is extreme but it’s true. I figure any other Eurasian out there at least might be able to find a little bit of common ground in my experiences. That’s the point. There are hundreds of other Eurasians out there who feel like I do. I am probably the most vocal, I do write to get a rise out of people which is the best way to get attention to something that is a legitimate problem except in the eyes of white males masquerading as leftists and screaming racism at the top of their lungs – like the Tea Party or white nationalists who cry racism against white males. Being controversial works – all of what I said on my blog is true – and despite what people want to portray me as – I’m not a murderous lunatic; I’m outspoken against the status quo and that makes soft, first-world-problem white men uneasy, and makes it easier to pigeonhole me as a psychopath or a danger to society.
People simply do not want to believe or acknowledge what it is like being Eurasian. White males simply cannot fathom a life wherein they are not white, wherein both their parents are not white – and not because I hate white males – but I realize that in the position that I too, could have easily spent my life passing – it would be hard for me to ever acknowledge, despite how proud I am of being Chinese – that life would have been much more difficult for me had I looked fully Asian.
The very thought that some people are unhappy is met with disdain – particularly from the white left, because to acknowledge that a mixed-race child is unhappy goes against the zeitgeist of our time, a pseudo-liberal cultural movement engineered by white people to the benefit of white people under which their privilege is veiled with the guise of being anti-racist. Similarly to the Tea Party, or white nationalists – I get branded as a racist, or mentally ill, rather than them ever acknowledging that perhaps – PERHAPS – being caught between two cultures, being caught beneath the parentage of people who have no idea what it is like to be mixed race, let alone an Asian male – is not as easy as it looks. There is no way to stop intermixing; there are bad apples in both race and people tend to generalize on the negatives within their race – and then reach out as a way to somehow free themselves; Chinese culture is far from perfect, but being a Eurasian caught in between is something beyond mere culture and something that degrades the soul to exhaustion – simply from being unable to really call anywhere home – from being unable to rely on either side in a stormy and racist and chaotic world.
American culture is one that pretends to be happy – it’s part of the very soul of the country, to fantasize that our freedom gives us some license to be happy and immune to the rest of the world; but the people who push this fantasy still remain the same people who have held the reigns of power for so long. Even though they preach it, they do not and are not willing to live it – to live in the shoes of someone who does not experience their privilege.